Kitty Qadishtu

From a guest contributor: Inara de Luna

http://qadishtublog.blogspot.com

I saw her sitting off to the side, watching the various scenes going on in the dungeon at Frolicon. She was in her wheelchair, but sitting alone. I was playing a cat persona, and while my Master had me on a leash, he was allowing me to explore. When I saw her, I had an overwhelming urge to go and love on her as a cat. I padded up to her on all fours, looked up at her face and meowed softly. A slow smile suffused her face and she reached for me. I took her up on her invitation and moved in to strop her legs, which ended just above her knees. She cuddled me and stroked my hair, while I lavished kitty-love on her. I was particularly drawn to rub lovingly against the part of her that I sensed others tend to avoid. After several minutes, I moved away, but I looked back to see her smiling widely, and I could feel that her energy had shifted. She was back to looking on at the others’ scenes, but now it felt less like she was a curious outsider, and more like a cherished part of the play. She was the only one who fully welcomed and attuned to my cat persona without having to take a moment to realize that’s what I was.

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What IS Kundalini?

I was leading a workshop called The NEW Relationship Roadmap in Sedona, Arizona this weekend. One of the questions that came up during the workshop relates to something called “awakened kundalini” energy.

So what is kundalini? If you have never heard of kundalini before, consider this to be a rational primer.

Kundalini is a Sanskrit word that literally means “coiled.” It refers to the idea that, in the base of the spine, there is a potential energy – instinctual, libidinal, unconscious – that awaits awakening and transformation. It is often envisioned as a goddess or a serpent that, through meditation, yoga, and other esoteric exercises, uncoils and rises up the spine in order to be transformed from animal into godly perfection.

Of course this is all metaphor. There is no real snake or goddess. There is no actual godly perfection. Kundalini is an ancient people’s way of trying to understand and control the power of instinctual sexual impulses. When these instinctual impulses freely move in the body, up the spine, and into the brain, the kundalini is said to be awakened – and the sexual energy is said to be purified.

Some traditionally accepted signs of an “awakened” kundalini include:

Involuntary jerks, tremors, shaking – especially when becoming sexually aroused.
Energy rushes or feelings of electricity circulating the body.
Intense heat (sweating) or cold.
A state of constant orgasm.
Pressure inside the skull and headache
Bliss, feelings of infinite love and universal connectedness, transcendent awareness

For me, kundalini is best understood as a deep trance state, where unconscious impulses can move freely without the conscious mind controlling those impulses. The more we allow these experiences, the more the brain’s capacity to deal with these powerful impulses expands.

The impulse release can cause a disconcerting firestorm for many people if they don’t understand what’s happening. I knew one woman who lived with involuntary jerks (not men) for 3 years before she came to me and I was able to help her.

I see more and more clearly – everyday – how sexually repressed we all really are. When sexual impulses are free to flow through the body, something beautiful happens inside of our psyche. Ecstatic feelings, endorphins flow, life feels pulsating and delicious. Fear and terror may arise as well in resistance to pleasure.

For me, this free flow of sexual energy is a profound experience – but one that I have full control over. By going into a deep trance, I give these very sexual and sensual parts of myself complete room to express. I allow them to have sound, energy, movement, freedom in my body. My body shakes, waves, rocks and rolls, and feel like I have had one of the best workouts in the world.

We all want to be accepted for who we are. We want to feel normal in our sexual impulses. We want to feel good about our bodies. This is natural for us mammals. We want sexual freedom without social consequence. Kundalini – as a trance state – can allow us some experience of this.

When I let my body flow freely – it can be anywhere from minutes to hours – I can completely loose my sense of self. Bring the “kundalini” into your lovemaking and incredible trance states can occur with your partner. Through these kinds of experiences, ideas of sacred sexuality appear in our culture. Sex is transformed, but I don’t agree that that is the highest form of sex. There are so many flavors, it seems a shame to limit our sexual self expression in the name of spiritual ideals.

Most spiritual paths have some kind of ecstatic dance or ritual – from speaking in toungues to the Sundance. The problem is that spiritual and religious paths concretize the metaphor. They lead us to believe that the energy is coming from the spiritual path, the guru, the technique or the religion.

Really, it’s coming from impulses deep inside our own bodies that we give ourselves permission to release. Though this hasn’t been extensively studied by science yet, at some point it will be and we will see the neuro-storm that happens when our sexual impulses are freed without self judgement and restriction – and the “kundalini (trance state) awakens”.

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Sensual Massage. A woman’s view.

I love massage.

Both as a healing tool and a hedonistic delight. Many a time I have had the pleasure of Therapeutic massage, hands soothing out my tired and sore muscles. Flowing into a place of relaxation, allowing my mind to wonder as someones hands slide over my skin. These have been sensual in nature for me, however not sensual as most people use this term now. In the majority of body work the sexual and sensual are separated. Fears of abuse, power dynamics, as well as other social constructs.

I have taken massage classes, during which they warned away from any “sensitive” areas. Such as the genitals, nipples, or even the inner thigh. I have had massage practitioner’s stay away from my abdomen as they were warned away from it as a place that might be “off limits” for some clients.

There have been times where my body has been pudding on the table, where I just wished it was”allowed” for the massage practitioner to massage these other parts of my body that long for touch. My nipples, my pussy, my clit. “Ohh please” they shouted out, please share with us touch too. Please bring us to that place of physical pleasure and release. Please allow this body to flow into Orgasm, releasing pleasure chemicals and increasing relaxation.

Is this sexual, sensual, healing, pleasurable, touch?

What is sexual? These have been questions that Body workers have to ask themselves. Personal boundaries come into play. What are people comfortable with? If you come into a massage studio for a sore neck, and get your ankle worked on are you getting what you desire? What you asked for? What your body seeks? The massage field shys away from that which can be called sexual. And yet why? It is one of my favorite things to ponder.

Is not sexuality one of the main drives for human connection? As a whole being are not my genitals just as important as any other part of my body? In our over specific sexualized culture the Penis, and Pussy get the spotlight. Our consciousness has been focused there in a sexual way. What if your whole body gave you Orgasms? *They can!*

No answers here, only questions. A dialog that our world has within it.

Follow your heart.

Let there be love, and connection.

Blessings to All.

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It’s Our Ability to Feel Pleasure that Helps Us Develop a Sense of Self Deserving

Cultivating self pleasure is essential. We process our sexual feelings through our bodies. Because we’ve been taught about the evils of sex, scary feelings often fill our bodies.

Until the early development of agriculture appeared, sex was not evil, nor was it a problem. Once we had stuff – animals, seeds, property, religious lineage, bloodlines – controlling the “purity” of sex became essential to ensuring that our stuff was passed down correctly, through established rules and laws and controlled sexuality.

In this day and age, our frames and beliefs about sex are still based on these ancient rules and laws. Our genitals operate from this ancient framework – and that framework affects our sense of self worth. This sense of self worth, our morality of whats right and wrong regarding sex, hides in our unconscious and effects how we feel on a day to day basis.

Whether our feelings about sex come from familial programing, religion, experiences or our personal history – all of this affects our sense of genital self worth, our power and our self esteem.

When we are less experienced with feeling our own sexuality, our own self-pleasure, we may feel it with such intensity that it can overwhelm us – and we shut ourselves down. However, it’s our ability to feel pleasure – and allow that feeling of pleasure to spread throughout the entire body – that helps us develop a sense of self deserving.

For most people, the idea of deserving to feel pleasure is unnerving. There is a sense that feeling good will end in some kind of retribution from the invisible-anti-pleasure enforcers of karma and heaven.

Fears are not reality. In reality, we are safe in our own sexual expressions and power – especially when we learn to move our own sexual feelings in ways that makes us feel juicy, open, raw and free within ourselves.

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Anal Interview Gets to the Bottom of Things

I just saw a play on Broadway about the first electric vibrators doctors used to relieve women of ‘hysteria’ (built up pressure in the womb) in the late 1800‘s. Now the Victorian doctors could do in minutes what used to take an hour–or eternity for many clueless husbands of the era.

Interestingly, the play included a rare instance of a man with ‘hysteria’ in which the doctor invented a new vibrator for the anus which stimulated his prostate–yep, right there on Broadway. I mused, “Is touching and pleasuring the anus a new sexual frontier we can explore on and off stage now?” Is anal eroticism what oral was to sex a couple of decades ago?”

As a certified Sexological Bodyworker I’ve trained in safe, hygienic and erotic stimulation of the anus and learned its importance to our health and pleasure. To most of us, the anus was our first shaming and we, unaware, have built an invisible electric fence around it ever since. Can we undo the damage and begin to include this sensory-rich ‘rosebud’ in our intimate pleasuring?

At the Institute for the Advanced Studies of Human Sexuality, Dr. Jack Morin, author of the ‘bible’ on the subject, Anal Pleasure and Health, spoke to my class of erotic bodyworkers on how de-shaming the body’s ‘last frontier’ encourages us to accept and love ourselves more wholly–or more ‘holy’ if I may add a sacred element to deep embodiment. He suggested taking a soapy finger while you’re in the shower and getting to know what’s been ‘behind’ you all along, “Hi there asshole, how you doing? A little tight today?–let me take care of that.” Erotic bodyworkers know if you can relax the rosebud, the rest of the body follows.

I’ve found a great technique in my work as a sex educator to bring new awareness and appreciation to our innocent posterior. I often ask my clients if I may ‘interview’ their asshole. That’s right, I invite the person (say a man) to speak as if he is his anus speaking–giving voice to this silent part of his body. I may ask for example, “How does it feel, Mr. A, when your Master (or the name of the person) ignores you, never touches you, or doesn’t recognize your unique gifts for His expanded and prolonged eroticism?” “How do you feel when your neighbor, Mr. Penis, gets all the attention?” “Does your Master ever call anyone an ‘asshole’? How does that make you feel?”

I’ve discovered people’s assholes are very articulate, surprisingly humorous, definitely persevering, and love to have their say. I like to ask my interviewee, “Mr. A, what could your Master do to show you more appreciation? Would you like him to check in with you from time to time? And how would he do that?” I like to find out if Mr. A has ever been approached in a way that didn’t feel comfortable or without his permission. Empowering a person with choice when it comes to anal touch can heal past abuse.

I like to close the anal interview with a question like, “Mr. A, since you’ve been so wise and so silent for so long, what closing words of wisdom would you like to leave with your Master now that he’s listening?” I hear the most profound sentiments rise up from the deep bowls of the body, “I’d like Him to lighten up, have more fun, not waste life only working…touch me, share me with a partner, learn to be multi-orgasmic with me…or even, show me off!”

Most folks who include anal touch in their erotic play do not have anal sex, or penetration with the penis. Most simply enjoy stimulating the external rim or penetrating this nerve-rich area with a well-lubricated finger or sex toy designed for the anus (with a flared bottom to keep it from going inside). More and more people are finding the anus is just another feel good part of the body we can enjoy (with a little knowledge and communication) instead of fear, or keep off limits.

Yes, anal gets us to the bottom of things. We don’t have to reach far for sound advise–we’re sitting on it. Each of us, man or woman, sits on a goldmine of pleasure and wisdom. We don’t even have to be hysterical to enjoy it!

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I Love My Own Sexual Energy

I want to share a little secret that I have this week. I love my own sexual energy. Really. I totally accept and love it. My sexual energy makes me feel alive. You might even say I’m in love with my own sexual energy. It makes me smile. It makes me happy. It kinda makes me high.

The other night I was in a bar having a burger when the bartender and I began talking. I could tell that she’s a sensual, sexual woman and I was certain that she gets hit on by drunk guys a lot, so we just began talking about that. I was curious how her boyfriend deals with her energy and the attention she receives. She said, “not very well.” The subtext was that she felt totally ashamed of her sensual energy and her desires – and the fact that she gets hit on. She kept talking about being a good person – as if being sensual in anyway is bad.

After a while, I asked her to step outside with me for a moment. I wanted to teach her my little secret. I told her to feel the pure feeling of her own sexual energy for just a moment. The pure sensation of it. No story. No shame. “Just giving yourself permission right now to feel the pure energy – without voices, judgement, fear, shame,” I said.

I asked her to listen to her own sexual energy like she listens to a friend in need because – for most all of us – our sexual energy is a friend in need. The kind of listening I’m speaking of is an open, open minded, empathetic listening. One free of the residues of thinking. Just pure feeling. Pure sensation. Openness. Relaxation.

Within about a minute or so, her body began vibrating. In this case I did a simple loop with her. We began feeling in the back of the heart, flowing down the back of the spine, down the back of the legs, down about 10 feet into the earth, back up the front of the legs, flowing through the perineum, g-spot, clitoris, up the belly through the front of the heart, to the throat, forehead, to about a foot above the head, then down the back of the head, back of the spine, back of the heart, completing the loop, and beginning again. the whole loop can be done in a matter of seconds.

It’s a very simple exercise, but within two minutes she was getting high off her own sexual energy. Pure, raw, open, she began to cry, then laugh, then cry some more. “I don’t know what to do with all this energy,” she said. I told her to relax into it, like relaxing into a hot bath.

It’s an honor to feel our own sexual energy in its simplicity – without it being in reference to anybody else. It all comes from you anyway – your brain, your central nervous system, chemistry, your body.

This is exactly how I surf my own sexual energy. I can bring my awareness to it and feel it whenever I want – independent of any one or anything else.

Sex is neither good nor bad, it simply is. Just like electricity or any other natural power, sex is a hugely abundant resource that is to be loved, nurtured, coaxed and honored by ourselves first and foremost and then, if we choose, shared with a partner.

I suggest that we loose the label of good / bad regarding our sexual energy all together since that label – no matter how it’s used – creates shame and guilt, blame and self judgement, especially in comparison to others. You don’t judge your lamp as being a slut because you can turn her on whenever you want and flow electricity through her body. Why not grant yourself the same freedom?

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