I just saw a play on Broadway about the first electric vibrators doctors used to relieve women of ‘hysteria’ (built up pressure in the womb) in the late 1800‘s. Now the Victorian doctors could do in minutes what used to take an hour–or eternity for many clueless husbands of the era.
Interestingly, the play included a rare instance of a man with ‘hysteria’ in which the doctor invented a new vibrator for the anus which stimulated his prostate–yep, right there on Broadway. I mused, “Is touching and pleasuring the anus a new sexual frontier we can explore on and off stage now?” Is anal eroticism what oral was to sex a couple of decades ago?”
As a certified Sexological Bodyworker I’ve trained in safe, hygienic and erotic stimulation of the anus and learned its importance to our health and pleasure. To most of us, the anus was our first shaming and we, unaware, have built an invisible electric fence around it ever since. Can we undo the damage and begin to include this sensory-rich ‘rosebud’ in our intimate pleasuring?
At the Institute for the Advanced Studies of Human Sexuality, Dr. Jack Morin, author of the ‘bible’ on the subject, Anal Pleasure and Health, spoke to my class of erotic bodyworkers on how de-shaming the body’s ‘last frontier’ encourages us to accept and love ourselves more wholly–or more ‘holy’ if I may add a sacred element to deep embodiment. He suggested taking a soapy finger while you’re in the shower and getting to know what’s been ‘behind’ you all along, “Hi there asshole, how you doing? A little tight today?–let me take care of that.” Erotic bodyworkers know if you can relax the rosebud, the rest of the body follows.
I’ve found a great technique in my work as a sex educator to bring new awareness and appreciation to our innocent posterior. I often ask my clients if I may ‘interview’ their asshole. That’s right, I invite the person (say a man) to speak as if he is his anus speaking–giving voice to this silent part of his body. I may ask for example, “How does it feel, Mr. A, when your Master (or the name of the person) ignores you, never touches you, or doesn’t recognize your unique gifts for His expanded and prolonged eroticism?” “How do you feel when your neighbor, Mr. Penis, gets all the attention?” “Does your Master ever call anyone an ‘asshole’? How does that make you feel?”
I’ve discovered people’s assholes are very articulate, surprisingly humorous, definitely persevering, and love to have their say. I like to ask my interviewee, “Mr. A, what could your Master do to show you more appreciation? Would you like him to check in with you from time to time? And how would he do that?” I like to find out if Mr. A has ever been approached in a way that didn’t feel comfortable or without his permission. Empowering a person with choice when it comes to anal touch can heal past abuse.
I like to close the anal interview with a question like, “Mr. A, since you’ve been so wise and so silent for so long, what closing words of wisdom would you like to leave with your Master now that he’s listening?” I hear the most profound sentiments rise up from the deep bowls of the body, “I’d like Him to lighten up, have more fun, not waste life only working…touch me, share me with a partner, learn to be multi-orgasmic with me…or even, show me off!”
Most folks who include anal touch in their erotic play do not have anal sex, or penetration with the penis. Most simply enjoy stimulating the external rim or penetrating this nerve-rich area with a well-lubricated finger or sex toy designed for the anus (with a flared bottom to keep it from going inside). More and more people are finding the anus is just another feel good part of the body we can enjoy (with a little knowledge and communication) instead of fear, or keep off limits.
Yes, anal gets us to the bottom of things. We don’t have to reach far for sound advise–we’re sitting on it. Each of us, man or woman, sits on a goldmine of pleasure and wisdom. We don’t even have to be hysterical to enjoy it!