Sexual Initiations

From a guest contributor: Inara de Luna

The Egyptian Goddess Isis was known, among other things, as the Initiator into the Sexual Mysteries. In some ancient cultures, young people were initiated into the sexual aspects of their lives by priests or priestesses specifically trained for this purpose. Can you imagine how your sex life might be different if you hadn’t had to learn all about sex through the fumblings of your own experimentation?

Some of us had particularly abusive or violent initiations into our sexuality. I, for instance, was raped by two men at the age of 13. I had just started to bud into my curvy, womanly body, and was learning the power of my feminine wiles, when I found myself in a compromising position, which I had trouble getting out of. Then, several months later, the boyfriend I’d been dating for several years and I decided it was time for us to have sex for the first time. He carried me over the threshold and up the steps, laid me down on his waterbed, and we proceeded to have a delightful time. Until afterward, when he called me a slut and a liar, because I moved too naturally for that to have been my first time, and I didn’t bleed. I had already told him about the rape, but that didn’t seem to matter to him. I ended my first voluntary sexual experience in tears and feeling just as ashamed and dirty as I did after my first involuntary experience.

Many, many years later, I became involved with my current beloved, who taught me about the Qadishtu path. I shared with him, as so many of us do, my early sexual history, including those two experiences I just mentioned. He suggested that we re-do my virgin night. I agreed. He was gentle and patient and asked my permission every step of the way. “May I kiss you now?” “May I caress your breasts?” “May I remove your shirt?” He made it clear that we could stop anytime I wanted. He also pretended to teach me how to touch him in ways that he liked. And when I would have sped things up, he slowed them down, explaining we had all the time in the world. It was sweet, and loving, and moving, and everything a first time should be. That night, he was my Qadishtu, my sexual initiator, my healer. Old, old wounds that I thought I’d gotten over, but were really just scabbed over, were finally put to rest in his loving hands.

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