When the Sexual Healing Project was announced on Deep Masculine, who stood up and cheered?
They’re the ones who recognize the battle scars in their own bodies.
They’re the ones who get spooked When Sexual Wounds from the Past Return to Haunt the Present.
And they’re the ones who feel how deeply these sexual wounds are impacting their current relationships.
I want to thank these women for spreading the message all over Facebook and the blogosphere. Thank you for showing up at the first teleseminar. And thank you for bringing your men.
And for those of you who don’t have a partner to help you with this healing project, hang on!
I’d like to offer you some sexual healing exercises you can practice on yourself, alone or with a trusted friend.
The essence of this healing process is to melt away fearful memories, unknot clenched muscles, relax hypersensitive tissue in the pelvis and genitals, and reset the nervous system from red alert to relaxed attention.
What do you need to begin?
If you can summon trust and love, you’re 3/4 home.
With a little understanding, and a few simple tools, you can usually reclaim your body completely.*
Over the next few posts, I’m going to share some of the processes I’ve successfully used with hundreds of women and men.
Here’s one simple practice you can start today.
Locate a particular spot that hurts in your pelvic region, one you shy away from or complain about while having sex. It’s probably where your body is holding onto a painful memory.
How will you know? Intuitively, you already do. Trust that first impulse.
Check for physical signs of abandonment. I call this the vacant lot syndrome. The owner of that property (you) has withdrawn your loving attention (for very good reason).
In that “vacant lot” you may find some of these symptoms of neglect: diminished blood flow, cold spots, discoloration, unusual hair growth, scar tissue, dryness or roughness, nerves that fire like broken glass, dulled sensation, numbness, clenched muscles, even twisted hips.
Gently, very gently place your hands on this one spot. If it’s external, use your palms. Internal, fingertips (but not much pressure).
Now slide along until you find an area that doesn’t tense up at your touch. This new area may be an inch away, or several inches, or even a few feet. Wherever it is, that’s perfect.
Here’s your starting point.
Rub little circles with your hands or fingertips around this comfortable spot.
Relax, breathe, sigh.
Imagine that the warmth is growing, flowing outward in concentric circles, washing through the “vacant lot”.
The secret of sexual healing is NOT TO PUSH AGAINST THE PAIN, but to flow around it.
Stimulating the adjacent areas will increase blood flow, biochemical assistants, sensory awareness, healing energy – which all flows toward the painful spot, WITHOUT TRIGGERING PAIN.
The body is communicating with itself, in its own electrochemical languages.
It’s sending messages of love, safety, healing and connection.
Muscle to muscle, nerve to nerve, cell to cell.
It’s alerting the vacant lot that neighbors are now on patrol, and the owner is back in town.
Soon everything will be cleaned up, cleared out and back to vibrant life.
If you don’t want to wait for this entire online series,
jump into one of our 90-minute teleseminars this week.
* Gentle warning:
Many of our sexual wounds can be addressed alone.
Most heal best when we have loving support from partners, family, friends.
And some wounds really do require professional medical and/or psychological assistance.
Especially if you’ve been raped or abused, retraumatizing yourself is a risk.
I recommend that you ask someone you trust to partner with you in this intimate recovery.
Thank you for taking care of yourself.
- Outside The Box: Going “Hands On” in Sexual Healing (psychologytoday.com)